Building a Healthy Relationship
Building a healthy relationship is not a matter to be spoken about lightly.
The difficulties that people have with their relationships nowadays are enormous.
In fact most relationships are quite painful. Why? Because many people haven’t yet discovered that building a relationship is not just something that happens in the very beginning, but that it is THE essential ingredient in keeping a relationship healthy in the long-term.
The following posts have been created to help you find out how healthy or unhealthy your relationship is. They will also help you clarify the important factors that you may need to work on in your relationship and give you an idea where to start:
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Why work on building a Healthy Loving Relationship?
The reason we want to work on building a healthy, loving relationship is very simple: a healthy relationship is not something that happens by itself!
Often when we are alone we are longing for a relationship. We long to be in somebody’s company for it is natural for a human being to be together with at least one other human being. A healthy human does not like to be alone for very long! But we don’t just want to be in any relationship. We want a healthy loving relationship. Such relationships are quite rare.
It is the daily commitment to building a healthy loving relationship that causes both partners to feel close and equally worthy. This is a very important point. If one of the partners does not feel as worthy as the other the balance is broken, and imbalance in the relationship means it is not healthy.
If we want to be happy we need to feel this equality, this acknowledgement from our partner. We will feel this equality if building on our relationship is as important to our partner as it is to ourselves.
A Healthy Relationship is an Isle of Hope
What do I mean by: a healthy relationship is an isle of hope?
It means that when I see a couple that are very much in love and I can feel their relationship has already lasted a long time, I feel that the world is still a place I want to live in.
The signs they emanate give me hope. Especially when I see older people, with healthy rosy cheeks, with shiny eyes and this special radiance holding hands together. One can see that they have been building on their relationship right up to the present. And they have never gotten tired of doing so and nor have they gotten tired of each other. This fills me with enormous gratitude, with tremendous hope.
When my husband and I, after having been married secretly with only my youngest daughter present ten years ago, decided to remarry in front of a crowd of people, with family, friends and curious people gathered around us, this was to celebrate the relationship we have. We wanted to show that being committed to building a healthy relationship is not only very worth doing but that a happy couple that has really chosen for each other, is an isle of hope for everybody else.
So to find out where you are in your relationship, or where others are in their relationship (whether healthy or not!), please check out the following pages:
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
And do know this: a healthy relationship is certainly worth it, for being happy is the best thing that can happen to you. Every other trial in life becomes more bearable when your relationship is happy. Having a happy, healthy, loving relationship is not just the icing on the cake; it is the whole cake including the icing!!
20 Apr 2008
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Other Posts in this Section:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
There are clear signs of a healthy relationship for everybody to see if they are willing to observe closely.
People that are in a healthy relationship certainly look different from people who are not in a healthy relationship. One of the clearest visible signs is that a woman, who is in a healthy relationship, is very attractive, even if she is not really pretty. It makes her look more desirable. Obviously the reason for this is that she is happy; happier than all those who are not having a healthy relationship, including those who don’t have a relationship at all.
She also is a woman in a good sexual relationship.
But the signs are not only to be found among women. Look at men, and see who is feeling secure. Which men move around with flair and an air of security? Then find out whether he is alone or not. You will find that behind this man there is a woman that loves him and whom he loves. She will be a woman with whom he loves to have sex, no matter how many years they have been together. Their relationship will definitely not be just a platonic relationship; it will be an active sexual relationship too.
Men and women involved in a healthy relationship are more self-assured and less self-conscious than those who are not.
More Signs Indicating a Healthy Relationship
Obviously, there are many signs that indicate that a couple is not having a healthy relationship. These are usually far easier to notice! Yet, there are clear ways of detecting positive signs, which may be subtler.
Let me give you an example from my own experience…
For my work I travel a lot and I often stay in a private house when I am abroad. There is this beautiful family in Germany who very much wanted me perform their wedding ceremony. Obviously they offered to pay for my flight.
But interestingly, they also asked me to please bring my husband, as they had heard so many positive comments about him. They were really eager to meet him and would pay for his flight too! Now the only person that could have talked to them about my husband was me, for there was no one else there that knew him.
So another sign of a healthy relationship is when partners speak flatteringly about the other, when they openly express how much they love each other. This naturally comes out in their conversations because their happiness in their relationship is part of their lives.
Obviously if they are criticizing the other all the time this is not a good sign; that shows their relationship is not healthy. Partners that lovingly hold hands, touch each other and every now and then kiss each other, maybe just in passing, are people having a healthy relationship.
Yet it is not a bad sign for two partners to be at a party and move independently through the crowd. But when they are asked about their spouse, they will happily answer with clear positive words that show that they very much love their partner.
Then at some point they will look for each other, just to see to it that their other “half” is having a good time. They will stay in touch. They will also respect the signs that show when their partner is bored, tired or simply would like to go.
These couples will, when they meet up, have a soft touching of each other, a loving look, a gentle kiss, an embrace, and then their ways may, or may not, separate again. Or they at some point will look for their partner so that they can introduce her/him to someone they find important.
In other words, they make their partner feel that she/he is important, and these are clearly noticeable signs of their healthy relationship. These signs are qualities that also very much help in having a good sexual relationship.
An important but maybe less obvious sign of a healthy relationship
A more subtle sign to recognize a healthy relationship is trust. The partners feel this total trust in one another. There are various ways these signs can show: one partner takes a decision about an event in which the two partners will be involved, without having to consult the other, for they know of each other that how they decide will be to the liking of the other partner. Another way the sign shows is: one partner travels a lot; the other partner is relaxed at home, without worries or fears, for they both know their relationship is healthy and they are both worth each other.
Maybe you yourself can find more signs of how to recognize a healthy relationship.
Look also at:
Trust in a Relationship
Building a Healthy Relationship
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
There are clear signs of a healthy relationship for everybody to see if they are willing to observe closely.
People that are in a healthy relationship certainly look different from people who are not in a healthy relationship. One of the clearest visible signs is that a woman, who is in a healthy relationship, is very attractive, even if she is not really pretty. It makes her look more desirable. Obviously the reason for this is that she is happy; happier than all those who are not having a healthy relationship, including those who don’t have a relationship at all.
She also is a woman in a good sexual relationship.
But the signs are not only to be found among women. Look at men, and see who is feeling secure. Which men move around with flair and an air of security? Then find out whether he is alone or not. You will find that behind this man there is a woman that loves him and whom he loves. She will be a woman with whom he loves to have sex, no matter how many years they have been together. Their relationship will definitely not be just a platonic relationship; it will be an active sexual relationship too.
Men and women involved in a healthy relationship are more self-assured and less self-conscious than those who are not.
More Signs Indicating a Healthy Relationship
Obviously, there are many signs that indicate that a couple is not having a healthy relationship. These are usually far easier to notice! Yet, there are clear ways of detecting positive signs, which may be subtler.
Let me give you an example from my own experience…
For my work I travel a lot and I often stay in a private house when I am abroad. There is this beautiful family in Germany who very much wanted me perform their wedding ceremony. Obviously they offered to pay for my flight.
But interestingly, they also asked me to please bring my husband, as they had heard so many positive comments about him. They were really eager to meet him and would pay for his flight too! Now the only person that could have talked to them about my husband was me, for there was no one else there that knew him.
So another sign of a healthy relationship is when partners speak flatteringly about the other, when they openly express how much they love each other. This naturally comes out in their conversations because their happiness in their relationship is part of their lives.
Obviously if they are criticizing the other all the time this is not a good sign; that shows their relationship is not healthy. Partners that lovingly hold hands, touch each other and every now and then kiss each other, maybe just in passing, are people having a healthy relationship.
Yet it is not a bad sign for two partners to be at a party and move independently through the crowd. But when they are asked about their spouse, they will happily answer with clear positive words that show that they very much love their partner.
Then at some point they will look for each other, just to see to it that their other “half” is having a good time. They will stay in touch. They will also respect the signs that show when their partner is bored, tired or simply would like to go.
These couples will, when they meet up, have a soft touching of each other, a loving look, a gentle kiss, an embrace, and then their ways may, or may not, separate again. Or they at some point will look for their partner so that they can introduce her/him to someone they find important.
In other words, they make their partner feel that she/he is important, and these are clearly noticeable signs of their healthy relationship. These signs are qualities that also very much help in having a good sexual relationship.
An important but maybe less obvious sign of a healthy relationship
A more subtle sign to recognize a healthy relationship is trust. The partners feel this total trust in one another. There are various ways these signs can show: one partner takes a decision about an event in which the two partners will be involved, without having to consult the other, for they know of each other that how they decide will be to the liking of the other partner. Another way the sign shows is: one partner travels a lot; the other partner is relaxed at home, without worries or fears, for they both know their relationship is healthy and they are both worth each other.
Maybe you yourself can find more signs of how to recognize a healthy relationship.
Look also at:
Trust in a Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Other Posts in this Section:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Building a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
There are clear signs of a healthy relationship for everybody to see if they are willing to observe closely.
People that are in a healthy relationship certainly look different from people who are not in a healthy relationship. One of the clearest visible signs is that a woman, who is in a healthy relationship, is very attractive, even if she is not really pretty. It makes her look more desirable. Obviously the reason for this is that she is happy; happier than all those who are not having a healthy relationship, including those who don’t have a relationship at all.
She also is a woman in a good sexual relationship.
But the signs are not only to be found among women. Look at men, and see who is feeling secure. Which men move around with flair and an air of security? Then find out whether he is alone or not. You will find that behind this man there is a woman that loves him and whom he loves. She will be a woman with whom he loves to have sex, no matter how many years they have been together. Their relationship will definitely not be just a platonic relationship; it will be an active sexual relationship too.
Men and women involved in a healthy relationship are more self-assured and less self-conscious than those who are not.
More Signs Indicating a Healthy Relationship
Obviously, there are many signs that indicate that a couple is not having a healthy relationship. These are usually far easier to notice! Yet, there are clear ways of detecting positive signs, which may be subtler.
Let me give you an example from my own experience…
For my work I travel a lot and I often stay in a private house when I am abroad. There is this beautiful family in Germany who very much wanted me perform their wedding ceremony. Obviously they offered to pay for my flight.
But interestingly, they also asked me to please bring my husband, as they had heard so many positive comments about him. They were really eager to meet him and would pay for his flight too! Now the only person that could have talked to them about my husband was me, for there was no one else there that knew him.
So another sign of a healthy relationship is when partners speak flatteringly about the other, when they openly express how much they love each other. This naturally comes out in their conversations because their happiness in their relationship is part of their lives.
Obviously if they are criticizing the other all the time this is not a good sign; that shows their relationship is not healthy. Partners that lovingly hold hands, touch each other and every now and then kiss each other, maybe just in passing, are people having a healthy relationship.
Yet it is not a bad sign for two partners to be at a party and move independently through the crowd. But when they are asked about their spouse, they will happily answer with clear positive words that show that they very much love their partner.
Then at some point they will look for each other, just to see to it that their other “half” is having a good time. They will stay in touch. They will also respect the signs that show when their partner is bored, tired or simply would like to go.
These couples will, when they meet up, have a soft touching of each other, a loving look, a gentle kiss, an embrace, and then their ways may, or may not, separate again. Or they at some point will look for their partner so that they can introduce her/him to someone they find important.
In other words, they make their partner feel that she/he is important, and these are clearly noticeable signs of their healthy relationship. These signs are qualities that also very much help in having a good sexual relationship.
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Other Posts in this Section:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
In every relationship we can observe certain stages. Just as there are definite signs of a healthy relationship there are also distinct detectable stages of a healthy relationship.
I will start with the most obvious one. When two people meet, they feel attracted to each other. At first they are tolerant of each other because they very much want to be together. Yet they may notice that there are things about their new partner that they do not like.
For example, she notices he burps a lot and does this everywhere. He sees her leaving her used tissues everywhere instead of throwing them into the wastepaper basket. I’m sure you can relate to this!
Now this stage is very important because all of the subsequent stages for a healthy relationship depend on it. Often this is the stage where we are so in love that we look into the world and at our partner through rose-coloured glasses. But when the rose tint fades, the world all of a sudden is not so beautiful any more. It has lost its softness and so the relationship also becomes harsher.
However, in a healthy relationship even this first stage is a realistic one in that both are aware of the magnetic pull between them yet they have their eyes wide open and see that there are things or habits in their loved one they might have to chew on!
The 2nd Stage of a Healthy Relationship
The 2nd stage of a healthy relationship is when the first problems come. And do realise they will come! Then both partners face the fact that there is a problem and that problems are there to be solved.
The problem can be of any kind; financial, sexual, the sharing of time, behaviour etc. Usually it is one partner feeling the problem as pressing. When the relationship is healthy, she/he will have no fear about bringing this up and will talk to their partner about it. The other will listen and have her/his say in this. Maybe tempers flare up a bit and a yell here and there gets uttered. No problem if afterwards the “guilty” partner apologizes genuinely or, when they see they are not getting anywhere, they decide to drop the issue and start with it again at some other point.
In a healthy relationship there is the awareness that a happy, perfect life without any problems is not possible. That every relationship goes through ups and downs, and that in different stages of the relationship there are different problems to master, for the different stages of the relationship depend a lot on the various stages of development each person goes through within their own character.
So one of the main Characteristics of a healthy relationship at this stage is that both partners acknowledge that problems are a part of a relationship and are willing to face and solve them together.
The 3rd Stage of a Healthy Relationship
In the 3rd stage of a healthy relationship the couple has been together for quite a while. This is the period in which boredom starts to emerge in many relationships.
In a healthy relationship both partners keep on working on staying interesting for each other. They express interest in each other and touch each other a lot so that Eros’ qualities stay alive and the sexual relationship does not slacken. By the way, Eros is the God of Erotic Love.
This is very important, as this is a crucial point where relationships often start to sink into oblivion, finally ending in separation or living alongside each other in familiar grooves of habit.
A healthy relationship is quite different. That is why at this stage, when one has been actively building the relationship from the beginning, one has created a positive habit as a foundation. One will be able to master this stage with brilliance and creativity. Why? Because building on their relationship to keep it healthy has become a way of life.
Building a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
In every relationship we can observe certain stages. Just as there are definite signs of a healthy relationship there are also distinct detectable stages of a healthy relationship.
I will start with the most obvious one. When two people meet, they feel attracted to each other. At first they are tolerant of each other because they very much want to be together. Yet they may notice that there are things about their new partner that they do not like.
For example, she notices he burps a lot and does this everywhere. He sees her leaving her used tissues everywhere instead of throwing them into the wastepaper basket. I’m sure you can relate to this!
Now this stage is very important because all of the subsequent stages for a healthy relationship depend on it. Often this is the stage where we are so in love that we look into the world and at our partner through rose-coloured glasses. But when the rose tint fades, the world all of a sudden is not so beautiful any more. It has lost its softness and so the relationship also becomes harsher.
However, in a healthy relationship even this first stage is a realistic one in that both are aware of the magnetic pull between them yet they have their eyes wide open and see that there are things or habits in their loved one they might have to chew on!
The 2nd Stage of a Healthy Relationship
The 2nd stage of a healthy relationship is when the first problems come. And do realise they will come! Then both partners face the fact that there is a problem and that problems are there to be solved.
The problem can be of any kind; financial, sexual, the sharing of time, behaviour etc. Usually it is one partner feeling the problem as pressing. When the relationship is healthy, she/he will have no fear about bringing this up and will talk to their partner about it. The other will listen and have her/his say in this. Maybe tempers flare up a bit and a yell here and there gets uttered. No problem if afterwards the “guilty” partner apologizes genuinely or, when they see they are not getting anywhere, they decide to drop the issue and start with it again at some other point.
In a healthy relationship there is the awareness that a happy, perfect life without any problems is not possible. That every relationship goes through ups and downs, and that in different stages of the relationship there are different problems to master, for the different stages of the relationship depend a lot on the various stages of development each person goes through within their own character.
So one of the main Characteristics of a healthy relationship at this stage is that both partners acknowledge that problems are a part of a relationship and are willing to face and solve them together.
The 3rd Stage of a Healthy Relationship
In the 3rd stage of a healthy relationship the couple has been together for quite a while. This is the period in which boredom starts to emerge in many relationships.
In a healthy relationship both partners keep on working on staying interesting for each other. They express interest in each other and touch each other a lot so that Eros’ qualities stay alive and the sexual relationship does not slacken. By the way, Eros is the God of Erotic Love.
This is very important, as this is a crucial point where relationships often start to sink into oblivion, finally ending in separation or living alongside each other in familiar grooves of habit.
A healthy relationship is quite different. That is why at this stage, when one has been actively building the relationship from the beginning, one has created a positive habit as a foundation. One will be able to master this stage with brilliance and creativity. Why? Because building on their relationship to keep it healthy has become a way of life.
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Other posts related:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
You might think that the characteristics of a healthy relationship are the same as the signs of a healthy relationship. Yet this is not the case. The characteristics of a relationship that is healthy are often not so obvious to the observer, and therefore could not be called ‘signs’.
If you are in a relationship, you will be able to see which characteristics it has and so find out whether it is healthy or not. Several characteristics of a healthy relationship will be mentioned here. Of course there are many more; some obvious, some subtler and less obvious.
I will start with what I feel is the most wonderful characteristic of a healthy relationship: You have a partner who makes you feel at home; a partner with whom you could live anywhere in the world and still feel at home. Why? Because your partner is your home! It shows that you feel you are in the right relationship. This is the clearest characteristic of a healthy relationship.
After this, every characteristic sounds less important, yet to have a healthy relationship and maintain it the following characteristics are very important.
More Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Respecting Your Partner:
In a healthy relationship the partners really respect each other. There are various ways of showing this respect. But respect must be there all the time. One must always give one’s partner the feeling that he/she is a very worthy human being.
So one of the characteristics of a healthy relationship is showing respect to your partner Unfortunately, in every marriage at some point, this becomes an important thing to work on as partners start to take each other for granted and the respect fades.
In a healthy relationship the partner will really listen when the other partner speaks. They will also listen if things are being said that they are not really interested in. Because in a healthy relationship they will know that there may be things that are interesting for the other even if not to themselves.
Listening to Your Partner:
Another clear characteristic of a healthy relationship is that the importance of listening is accepted and acknowledged. Then one either feels so much love that one understands the importance of what is being said, or one feels free to tell the partner that this is not really interesting and that she/he would rather do or talk about something else. But what is crucial is that the partner does listen, which makes it a characteristic of the healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship, and listening is not one of your skills, then take my advice: work on it! It is going to make all the difference.
Taking Time for Each Other:
When I think of all the characteristics I am aware of for a healthy relationship the one that is most striking for me is consciously taking time for each other.
When both partners are always busy whether with job, household or otherwise, it is easy to end up living separate parallel lives. But what’s the point in living together in a relationship, if the relationship is not really enjoyed? When one really consciously takes time for each other and with each other one is constantly building a strong, healthy relationship.
So as the third characteristic of a healthy relationship I would like to emphasize is to take time for and with each other. There are so many beautiful moments one can share together and it strengthens the feeling of “we” and of “belonging”, feelings that create security.
Do Some Of The Characteristics Of A Healthy Relationship Also Apply To A Healthy Sexual Relationship?
There definitely are characteristics that apply to a healthy sexual relationship in particular that have to do with our former theme of listening, but now in a different way.
When a couple that has a loving relationship want to make love, the listening takes on a finer quality. The partner learns to listen for signs from the other’s body like, for example, a change in the breathing. They then know what to do or what to change in what they are doing.
Also when the slightest moan is uttered, it is important to know whether it is a moan of pleasure, or a moan of pain. The characteristic of a healthy sexual relationship is that, if the partner hears this and does not know how to interpret it, she/he will feel totally free to ask the other what is happening, who then will give an honest answer.
The Importance of Asking a Question
The healthy relationship carries the characteristic that the partner actually will ask when he/she has doubts about any sign. And this is important. It is even more important than the answering, as this, in a healthy relationship, is the consequence of the question in the first place. I am sure that most of you have found out that a healthy relationship means also a healthy sexual relationship. If you happen to be a person who has difficulties with this, you can go to my pages on advice for men and women in a sexual relationship.
More posts that may be of help:
How to Improve Your Relationship
Love and Trust
Sexual Relationship Advice
Communication in Relationship
The day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship
The day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship is this feeling when one wakes up in the morning and one looks at the pillow next to one where one sees the head of the beloved partner resting and one thinks: “ how wonderful to wake up with this person every day. How lucky I am to have found the right person to wake up with.”
And this leads us directly into the next day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship: when then our partner wakes up we actually tell her/him. This makes our partner feel happy, and the next characteristic of a healthy relationship is that we really, really want our partner to be happy. And this is probably the most important one that hopefully is or at least becomes a day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship.
Building a Healthy Relationship
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
You might think that the characteristics of a healthy relationship are the same as the signs of a healthy relationship. Yet this is not the case. The characteristics of a relationship that is healthy are often not so obvious to the observer, and therefore could not be called ‘signs’.
If you are in a relationship, you will be able to see which characteristics it has and so find out whether it is healthy or not. Several characteristics of a healthy relationship will be mentioned here. Of course there are many more; some obvious, some subtler and less obvious.
I will start with what I feel is the most wonderful characteristic of a healthy relationship: You have a partner who makes you feel at home; a partner with whom you could live anywhere in the world and still feel at home. Why? Because your partner is your home! It shows that you feel you are in the right relationship. This is the clearest characteristic of a healthy relationship.
After this, every characteristic sounds less important, yet to have a healthy relationship and maintain it the following characteristics are very important.
More Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Respecting Your Partner:
In a healthy relationship the partners really respect each other. There are various ways of showing this respect. But respect must be there all the time. One must always give one’s partner the feeling that he/she is a very worthy human being.
So one of the characteristics of a healthy relationship is showing respect to your partner Unfortunately, in every marriage at some point, this becomes an important thing to work on as partners start to take each other for granted and the respect fades.
In a healthy relationship the partner will really listen when the other partner speaks. They will also listen if things are being said that they are not really interested in. Because in a healthy relationship they will know that there may be things that are interesting for the other even if not to themselves.
Listening to Your Partner:
Another clear characteristic of a healthy relationship is that the importance of listening is accepted and acknowledged. Then one either feels so much love that one understands the importance of what is being said, or one feels free to tell the partner that this is not really interesting and that she/he would rather do or talk about something else. But what is crucial is that the partner does listen, which makes it a characteristic of the healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship, and listening is not one of your skills, then take my advice: work on it! It is going to make all the difference.
Taking Time for Each Other:
When I think of all the characteristics I am aware of for a healthy relationship the one that is most striking for me is consciously taking time for each other.
When both partners are always busy whether with job, household or otherwise, it is easy to end up living separate parallel lives. But what’s the point in living together in a relationship, if the relationship is not really enjoyed? When one really consciously takes time for each other and with each other one is constantly building a strong, healthy relationship.
So as the third characteristic of a healthy relationship I would like to emphasize is to take time for and with each other. There are so many beautiful moments one can share together and it strengthens the feeling of “we” and of “belonging”, feelings that create security.
Do Some Of The Characteristics Of A Healthy Relationship Also Apply To A Healthy Sexual Relationship?
There definitely are characteristics that apply to a healthy sexual relationship in particular that have to do with our former theme of listening, but now in a different way.
When a couple that has a loving relationship want to make love, the listening takes on a finer quality. The partner learns to listen for signs from the other’s body like, for example, a change in the breathing. They then know what to do or what to change in what they are doing.
Also when the slightest moan is uttered, it is important to know whether it is a moan of pleasure, or a moan of pain. The characteristic of a healthy sexual relationship is that, if the partner hears this and does not know how to interpret it, she/he will feel totally free to ask the other what is happening, who then will give an honest answer.
The Importance of Asking a Question
The healthy relationship carries the characteristic that the partner actually will ask when he/she has doubts about any sign. And this is important. It is even more important than the answering, as this, in a healthy relationship, is the consequence of the question in the first place. I am sure that most of you have found out that a healthy relationship means also a healthy sexual relationship. If you happen to be a person who has difficulties with this, you can go to my pages on advice for men and women in a sexual relationship.
More posts that may be of help:
How to Improve Your Relationship
Love and Trust
Sexual Relationship Advice
Communication in Relationship
The day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship
The day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship is this feeling when one wakes up in the morning and one looks at the pillow next to one where one sees the head of the beloved partner resting and one thinks: “ how wonderful to wake up with this person every day. How lucky I am to have found the right person to wake up with.”
And this leads us directly into the next day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship: when then our partner wakes up we actually tell her/him. This makes our partner feel happy, and the next characteristic of a healthy relationship is that we really, really want our partner to be happy. And this is probably the most important one that hopefully is or at least becomes a day-to-day characteristic of a healthy relationship.
How to Save Your Relationship
Other Articles related:
Relationship Tips (see right side of the page)
How to Improve Your Relationship
How to Save Your Relationship
If you have landed on this page about how to save your relationship it means that you are already really in need of help and advice. I will be very soft and gentle with you, for you are easily hurt if you are concerned with saving your relationship. If it is the relationship of a friend you are concerned about, then please know that this friend is very sensitive and you need to be very delicate with her/him.
I am also going to be very clear because you are on the edge, and you might fall off if you make the wrong move.
If you want to save your relationship you must want to be totally you! You must be very true to yourself. By this I mean to say that self-deception—trying to see things differently from how they really are, including wistful thinking—can just push you over the edge.
The Importance of Honesty in Saving Your Relationship
Feel inside yourself if you are being totally honest. This also means you must be willing to see the truth. Do you want to save the relationship for personal reasons that are not based on love? Because if you do your partner will know this intuitively and it will not work. Yet if you feel that there is deep love between the two of you, but that there are other factors that put your relationship at stake, then it is worth fighting for.
Your Partner and the Relationship
Does your partner want to save the relationship? You don’t know? Here we have a very clear factor of what is going wrong in your relationship, namely a lack of communication.
At this point I would like to suggest that you write down everything that you feel there is between the two of you that is worth fighting for. Make a clear, detailed list. Do not just make a list in your mind – stop now and take the time to put pen to paper and make a proper list.
Now we haven’t forgotten there are problems with communication in this relationship; however, it is never too late to start communicating. So ask your partner literally: “Do you want to save our relationship?” Even if you are afraid, do this anyway. If you don’t know and you don’t ask you might not be able to begin salvaging your relationship.
We will suppose the partner answers with a yes. Then ask the partner what he/she sees as the problems in the relationship and write them down.
After this show your partner your positive list with the points worth fighting for. Ask your partner how he/she sees this. Ask also if he/she sees more positive factors.
Add these to the list after having agreed on them. Thank your partner for saying these lovely things, for obviously that is what they are.
A Suggestion That Can Save Your Relationship
Now make a promise that for one whole day you will only focus on the positive things you have in your relationship, whatever happens. Even if you feel irritated about something, you let it go. Just for one day. At the end of the day both of you sit down and make a list of what was difficult for you on that day, where you felt really angry, irritated or impatient. Also try to find out why. Talk about it.
If you want to continue this practice for another day and then another that is fine, the most important thing is to start communicating and making conscious your appreciation for each other.
This is the beginning of saving a relationship and building up a new one at the same time. It really works if both parties take it seriously. I wish you all the best!
More Articles that may be of help:
Relationship Tips (at the right side of the page)
How to Improve Your Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Sexual Relationship Advice
Relationship Tips (see right side of the page)
How to Improve Your Relationship
How to Save Your Relationship
If you have landed on this page about how to save your relationship it means that you are already really in need of help and advice. I will be very soft and gentle with you, for you are easily hurt if you are concerned with saving your relationship. If it is the relationship of a friend you are concerned about, then please know that this friend is very sensitive and you need to be very delicate with her/him.
I am also going to be very clear because you are on the edge, and you might fall off if you make the wrong move.
If you want to save your relationship you must want to be totally you! You must be very true to yourself. By this I mean to say that self-deception—trying to see things differently from how they really are, including wistful thinking—can just push you over the edge.
The Importance of Honesty in Saving Your Relationship
Feel inside yourself if you are being totally honest. This also means you must be willing to see the truth. Do you want to save the relationship for personal reasons that are not based on love? Because if you do your partner will know this intuitively and it will not work. Yet if you feel that there is deep love between the two of you, but that there are other factors that put your relationship at stake, then it is worth fighting for.
Your Partner and the Relationship
Does your partner want to save the relationship? You don’t know? Here we have a very clear factor of what is going wrong in your relationship, namely a lack of communication.
At this point I would like to suggest that you write down everything that you feel there is between the two of you that is worth fighting for. Make a clear, detailed list. Do not just make a list in your mind – stop now and take the time to put pen to paper and make a proper list.
Now we haven’t forgotten there are problems with communication in this relationship; however, it is never too late to start communicating. So ask your partner literally: “Do you want to save our relationship?” Even if you are afraid, do this anyway. If you don’t know and you don’t ask you might not be able to begin salvaging your relationship.
We will suppose the partner answers with a yes. Then ask the partner what he/she sees as the problems in the relationship and write them down.
After this show your partner your positive list with the points worth fighting for. Ask your partner how he/she sees this. Ask also if he/she sees more positive factors.
Add these to the list after having agreed on them. Thank your partner for saying these lovely things, for obviously that is what they are.
A Suggestion That Can Save Your Relationship
Now make a promise that for one whole day you will only focus on the positive things you have in your relationship, whatever happens. Even if you feel irritated about something, you let it go. Just for one day. At the end of the day both of you sit down and make a list of what was difficult for you on that day, where you felt really angry, irritated or impatient. Also try to find out why. Talk about it.
If you want to continue this practice for another day and then another that is fine, the most important thing is to start communicating and making conscious your appreciation for each other.
This is the beginning of saving a relationship and building up a new one at the same time. It really works if both parties take it seriously. I wish you all the best!
More Articles that may be of help:
Relationship Tips (at the right side of the page)
How to Improve Your Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Sexual Relationship Advice
Love and Trust in a Relationship
Love and Trust in a Relationship
Additional Post related:
Communication in Relationship
Before I write about love and trust in a relationship let me first make my position very clear:
A relationship without love and trust is for me unthinkable.
A loving, or amorous relationship must have LOVE as the main ingredient. For without love, what is the point of a long-standing relationship between two people in the first place?
However, to make that relationship a healthy, enduring relationship, love alone is not enough. There needs to be trust. And trust is something we will have to work on.
Love in a Relationship
You may be thinking at this point, “Of course there must be love, otherwise it is not a relationship”. I agree. Yet I have noticed that many people have very different ideas about what love is. I do not really believe there are different forms of love. I feel that there are different ways that love gets expressed and different degrees of ability to love.
Yet I am very willing to start from a place of seeing love as many people do. By this I mean that many think of love as taking different forms instead of staying with the essence of love is, which is unconditional love.
But if we are going to speak about love as “unconditional love” I feel we must also include its opposite “conditional love.”
Conditional Love
How do I see conditional love? Conditional love has a way of giving but only if you… and then there comes a condition. For example, one might have the unspoken attitude “I will have sex with you if you bring me flowers.”
It is this love that unfortunately leads to manipulation. From manipulation comes the pattern of the predator-victim, and from this we start a vicious cycle. Why? Because if someone is being manipulated in this way they will repeat the pattern. So the victim will manipulate as he has been manipulated. For example, the Director scolds the manager, the manager scolds the maitre, the maitre takes it out on the bartender, who then dumps it on the waiter, the waiter throws it at the cook, the cook yells at his assistant who then kicks the dog!!
Obviously this is just a short version of what I could say about this and unfortunately one can observe this far too often in today’s relationships.
Unconditional Love
Let’s talk about unconditional love. This is love for the sake of love itself. I love you, because I do. Not because I want you to do something for me, or because you have done something for me, not even because you are beautiful. I love you because you are you. Maybe you don’t even love me and I still love you. I let you be free in whatever you are or do, in whatever you want or dream. That is unconditional love.
This is the love that will be found in a healthy relationship and this relationship is bound to be successful come what may, because both partners love and respect each other in spite of their imperfections.
Trust
Talking about trust is even more delicate than talking about love. Love is or isn’t, it is not something one can force. Trust is something one gains, usually in time. We may trust a person because we just feel we can trust that person, yet if that person would betray us once, trust goes, and only in the positive of cases can that trust be regained.
Many people today have a difficulty trusting. It could be their partner, their parents, friends, the weather forecast, or even themselves. Trust is an essential ingredient of a relationship and although a lot could be said about it at this point I would like to keep my advice simple yet profound:
To win someone’s trust the best thing to do is BE TRUTHFUL!!
Try it out, and you’ll see this is so.
More pages that you may find helpful:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Relationship Test (right side of the page)
Additional Post related:
Communication in Relationship
Before I write about love and trust in a relationship let me first make my position very clear:
A relationship without love and trust is for me unthinkable.
A loving, or amorous relationship must have LOVE as the main ingredient. For without love, what is the point of a long-standing relationship between two people in the first place?
However, to make that relationship a healthy, enduring relationship, love alone is not enough. There needs to be trust. And trust is something we will have to work on.
Love in a Relationship
You may be thinking at this point, “Of course there must be love, otherwise it is not a relationship”. I agree. Yet I have noticed that many people have very different ideas about what love is. I do not really believe there are different forms of love. I feel that there are different ways that love gets expressed and different degrees of ability to love.
Yet I am very willing to start from a place of seeing love as many people do. By this I mean that many think of love as taking different forms instead of staying with the essence of love is, which is unconditional love.
But if we are going to speak about love as “unconditional love” I feel we must also include its opposite “conditional love.”
Conditional Love
How do I see conditional love? Conditional love has a way of giving but only if you… and then there comes a condition. For example, one might have the unspoken attitude “I will have sex with you if you bring me flowers.”
It is this love that unfortunately leads to manipulation. From manipulation comes the pattern of the predator-victim, and from this we start a vicious cycle. Why? Because if someone is being manipulated in this way they will repeat the pattern. So the victim will manipulate as he has been manipulated. For example, the Director scolds the manager, the manager scolds the maitre, the maitre takes it out on the bartender, who then dumps it on the waiter, the waiter throws it at the cook, the cook yells at his assistant who then kicks the dog!!
Obviously this is just a short version of what I could say about this and unfortunately one can observe this far too often in today’s relationships.
Unconditional Love
Let’s talk about unconditional love. This is love for the sake of love itself. I love you, because I do. Not because I want you to do something for me, or because you have done something for me, not even because you are beautiful. I love you because you are you. Maybe you don’t even love me and I still love you. I let you be free in whatever you are or do, in whatever you want or dream. That is unconditional love.
This is the love that will be found in a healthy relationship and this relationship is bound to be successful come what may, because both partners love and respect each other in spite of their imperfections.
Trust
Talking about trust is even more delicate than talking about love. Love is or isn’t, it is not something one can force. Trust is something one gains, usually in time. We may trust a person because we just feel we can trust that person, yet if that person would betray us once, trust goes, and only in the positive of cases can that trust be regained.
Many people today have a difficulty trusting. It could be their partner, their parents, friends, the weather forecast, or even themselves. Trust is an essential ingredient of a relationship and although a lot could be said about it at this point I would like to keep my advice simple yet profound:
To win someone’s trust the best thing to do is BE TRUTHFUL!!
Try it out, and you’ll see this is so.
More pages that you may find helpful:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Relationship Test (right side of the page)
Signs a Relationship is Over
Other Posts related:
Ending a Relationship
Getting Over A Relationship
Signs a Relationship is Over
There are certain recognizable signs that show a relationship is over. Obviously, the easiest to recognize is when one of the partners says: ‘the relationship is over’!
And no matter how difficult this may be for the other, when one partner feels it is over, then IT IS OVER. That is something to accept for a fact; otherwise you will be forever wasting your energy, which is like fighting against windmills (fantasms).
Less Obvious Signs A Relationship Is Over
Some signs are not so obvious; so take a good look. Your partner is not asking any more about how your day was, how you feel. Nor does he/she listen to what you want to say about your experiences. He/she will have an excuse that he/she is too busy, they must put the trash outside or they need to make an urgent phone call.
In the beginning this might be subtle for one has the feeling that the partner really might be busy and those busy periods in life do happen. But after a while a certain dynamic starts to develop and it’s very important that one doesn’t deny its existence. In one’s heart one knows something is not quite right. Listen to your heart and speak to your partner about it, because by bringing it up you are half way to solving the problem
The More Obvious Signs A Relationship Is Over
* Your partner is not interested in sex.
Whatever you do, it is either too late, too early, other things need to be done, or the partner is tired or ill. When this lasts longer than a week it is time to start asking clear direct questions. Don’t ask “Am I not attractive any more?” or “Are you seeing someone else?” Start with: “I can see something is wrong, for you don’t seem to want to have sex with me any more and I really want and need to know why, so please don’t be evasive and tell me.” By asking a question this way one is opening up a space to talk together free from accusation.
* Your partner spends as much time as possible away from home.
He/she comes home to sleep, to change clothes, to have showers, but even the meals are often taken somewhere else.
* The partner gets irritated when questions about his/her behaviour or change of habits are asked.
* The partner does not answer direct questions.
Possible Signs That The Relationship Is In Jeopardy.
* The partner changes his/her way of dressing and/or make-up. Maybe even the perfume or after-shave is changed. After asking why, the answer is vague.
* The partner does not receive and/or make his/her calls on the landline but mainly on their mobile phone.
* The partner leaves the room to talk on the phone.
* The partner is not interested in having visitors coming for a nice evening.
* The partner will suddenly not come to family-meetings like birthdays etc.
Now these can all be signs that a relationship is over. One has to always make sure though; so follow my advice about asking questions without accusation while leaving space for the other and get the confirmation before you act!
More posts that you may find helpful:
Getting Over of A Relationship
How to Save Your Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Ending a Relationship
Getting Over A Relationship
Signs a Relationship is Over
There are certain recognizable signs that show a relationship is over. Obviously, the easiest to recognize is when one of the partners says: ‘the relationship is over’!
And no matter how difficult this may be for the other, when one partner feels it is over, then IT IS OVER. That is something to accept for a fact; otherwise you will be forever wasting your energy, which is like fighting against windmills (fantasms).
Less Obvious Signs A Relationship Is Over
Some signs are not so obvious; so take a good look. Your partner is not asking any more about how your day was, how you feel. Nor does he/she listen to what you want to say about your experiences. He/she will have an excuse that he/she is too busy, they must put the trash outside or they need to make an urgent phone call.
In the beginning this might be subtle for one has the feeling that the partner really might be busy and those busy periods in life do happen. But after a while a certain dynamic starts to develop and it’s very important that one doesn’t deny its existence. In one’s heart one knows something is not quite right. Listen to your heart and speak to your partner about it, because by bringing it up you are half way to solving the problem
The More Obvious Signs A Relationship Is Over
* Your partner is not interested in sex.
Whatever you do, it is either too late, too early, other things need to be done, or the partner is tired or ill. When this lasts longer than a week it is time to start asking clear direct questions. Don’t ask “Am I not attractive any more?” or “Are you seeing someone else?” Start with: “I can see something is wrong, for you don’t seem to want to have sex with me any more and I really want and need to know why, so please don’t be evasive and tell me.” By asking a question this way one is opening up a space to talk together free from accusation.
* Your partner spends as much time as possible away from home.
He/she comes home to sleep, to change clothes, to have showers, but even the meals are often taken somewhere else.
* The partner gets irritated when questions about his/her behaviour or change of habits are asked.
* The partner does not answer direct questions.
Possible Signs That The Relationship Is In Jeopardy.
* The partner changes his/her way of dressing and/or make-up. Maybe even the perfume or after-shave is changed. After asking why, the answer is vague.
* The partner does not receive and/or make his/her calls on the landline but mainly on their mobile phone.
* The partner leaves the room to talk on the phone.
* The partner is not interested in having visitors coming for a nice evening.
* The partner will suddenly not come to family-meetings like birthdays etc.
Now these can all be signs that a relationship is over. One has to always make sure though; so follow my advice about asking questions without accusation while leaving space for the other and get the confirmation before you act!
More posts that you may find helpful:
Getting Over of A Relationship
How to Save Your Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Getting Over a Relationship
Other Posts related:
Ending A Relationship
Signs a Relationship is Over
Getting over a relationship feels a bit like a mourning process. One has to put all one’s effort in just staying alive and it feels very strange that the rest of the world goes on as if nothing has happened. Letting go of a relationship is one of the most difficult tasks one has to set oneself once the relationship has come to an end.
To Get Over My Relationship Where Do I Start?
The first thing to do to get over a relationship is to focus on the self; on one’s own person.
To help with this you could, for example, start to make a list of all that you feel you are. You are not a half of a broken relationship; you are your own person!
From that list take a few points and start to fill out the details.
For example, a point on your list is “I am a very intelligent person”. Now in the detailed list you are going to add: “I have an interest in good books and films. I can tell stories about events that happen to me in a way that fascinates people”.
So from filling out this detail you realise: ‘I am even very entertaining’! So you can add that to your first list.
In this way you start to focus on your self, the good things you carry inside, and that these good things have been there all along, also while you were in your relationship.
Letting Go Of The Old Relationship
By doing this you will start to see that you are a worthy person, and that the fact this relationship had to end does not necessarily mean that you or your partner were a failure.
It is also a good idea to start to list all the things that you actually gained from your relationship; all the benefits you have now that you wouldn’t have had were it not for the relationship you now want to get over.
This is very important because it will make you see you have not wasted your time, you don’t have to start hating your ex-partner nor do you have to start blaming yourself. It makes it clear to you that there was/were obvious important reason(s) for this relationship to happen.
To Get Over My Relationship, What Do I Do With My Ex-Partner?
If you have followed my advice you will notice that you have not spent time yet thinking about your ex-partner. That is exactly the right behaviour in the early stages of getting over your relationship, as you are still very emotional and you will want to accuse, blame and reproach.
This negative approach will not help you because when you fall into this attitude, you will want to direct your negativity towards the person, which means that your relationship will turn into a fiend-ship and won’t become a friend-ship.
As there are quite a few things to deal with if one still needs to maintain contact with one’s ex-partner it is important that a friendly atmosphere remains, or, if it does not yet exist, gets created. In a hostile situation it is simply not possible to maintain contact while in a good atmosphere both partners will be open and communicative.
And, as a result, each of them will make a better start in their future life.
More postss that you may find helpful:
Signs a Relationship is Over
Building a Healthy Relationship
How to Save Your Relationship
Relationship Tips (right side of page)
Ending A Relationship
Signs a Relationship is Over
Getting over a relationship feels a bit like a mourning process. One has to put all one’s effort in just staying alive and it feels very strange that the rest of the world goes on as if nothing has happened. Letting go of a relationship is one of the most difficult tasks one has to set oneself once the relationship has come to an end.
To Get Over My Relationship Where Do I Start?
The first thing to do to get over a relationship is to focus on the self; on one’s own person.
To help with this you could, for example, start to make a list of all that you feel you are. You are not a half of a broken relationship; you are your own person!
From that list take a few points and start to fill out the details.
For example, a point on your list is “I am a very intelligent person”. Now in the detailed list you are going to add: “I have an interest in good books and films. I can tell stories about events that happen to me in a way that fascinates people”.
So from filling out this detail you realise: ‘I am even very entertaining’! So you can add that to your first list.
In this way you start to focus on your self, the good things you carry inside, and that these good things have been there all along, also while you were in your relationship.
Letting Go Of The Old Relationship
By doing this you will start to see that you are a worthy person, and that the fact this relationship had to end does not necessarily mean that you or your partner were a failure.
It is also a good idea to start to list all the things that you actually gained from your relationship; all the benefits you have now that you wouldn’t have had were it not for the relationship you now want to get over.
This is very important because it will make you see you have not wasted your time, you don’t have to start hating your ex-partner nor do you have to start blaming yourself. It makes it clear to you that there was/were obvious important reason(s) for this relationship to happen.
To Get Over My Relationship, What Do I Do With My Ex-Partner?
If you have followed my advice you will notice that you have not spent time yet thinking about your ex-partner. That is exactly the right behaviour in the early stages of getting over your relationship, as you are still very emotional and you will want to accuse, blame and reproach.
This negative approach will not help you because when you fall into this attitude, you will want to direct your negativity towards the person, which means that your relationship will turn into a fiend-ship and won’t become a friend-ship.
As there are quite a few things to deal with if one still needs to maintain contact with one’s ex-partner it is important that a friendly atmosphere remains, or, if it does not yet exist, gets created. In a hostile situation it is simply not possible to maintain contact while in a good atmosphere both partners will be open and communicative.
And, as a result, each of them will make a better start in their future life.
More postss that you may find helpful:
Signs a Relationship is Over
Building a Healthy Relationship
How to Save Your Relationship
Relationship Tips (right side of page)
11 Apr 2008
What is Spiritual Sexuality?
Other Heads in This Section:
Sexual Relationship Advice
Sexual Energy
Tantric Advice
When I talk about spiritual sexuality, I am not talking about anything phoney; nor am I talking about some kind of platonic sex life without touching. I’m speaking about something that is much, much more than that, something that must not be taken lightly or just be used as a means to increase ones own pleasure.
When Do We Practise Spiritual Sexuality?
Spiritual sexuality is practised while being engaged in the sexual act of lovemaking.
What Do I Need To Know About Spiritual Sexuality?
There are very many aspects to spiritual sexuality.
The most important thing that I would like to emphasize is that it is of utmost importance to work on your personality; to actually put into practice everything you can find on this website; to become an expert in making your partner happy while at the same time being aware of the need of your service to the world.
When you have achieved everything I have mentioned above and have deeply involved yourself in this service, then you are ready to receive teachings of spiritual sexuality.
Sexual Energy is an enormous power. It is very constructive when well used and very destructive when used unconsciously or abusively.
For that reason you may understand that, when we combine spiritual power with sexual energy, we can cause miracles to occur and when used by the wrong person in the wrong way, the force can be devastating. This is the reason that on this page you will not find anything to learn as far as spiritual sexuality is concerned, for I will only teach these practices in a live situation, where I can see the energy of the people.
Spiritual Sexuality Seminars
So if you are interested please send me an email and I will let you know when and where there is a seminar on this theme taking place. Don’t forget to mention where you live, for doing a live seminar in the U.K. when you are actually living in the U.S.A. and the other way around, may be a bit of a hassle! Or book me if you happen to have a group of people who would really like to do this seminar. My email adress is sasenyin@hotmail.com
More heads that you may find helpful:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Relationship Test
Relationship Tips
Sexual Relationship Advice
Sexual Energy
Tantric Advice
When I talk about spiritual sexuality, I am not talking about anything phoney; nor am I talking about some kind of platonic sex life without touching. I’m speaking about something that is much, much more than that, something that must not be taken lightly or just be used as a means to increase ones own pleasure.
When Do We Practise Spiritual Sexuality?
Spiritual sexuality is practised while being engaged in the sexual act of lovemaking.
What Do I Need To Know About Spiritual Sexuality?
There are very many aspects to spiritual sexuality.
The most important thing that I would like to emphasize is that it is of utmost importance to work on your personality; to actually put into practice everything you can find on this website; to become an expert in making your partner happy while at the same time being aware of the need of your service to the world.
When you have achieved everything I have mentioned above and have deeply involved yourself in this service, then you are ready to receive teachings of spiritual sexuality.
Sexual Energy is an enormous power. It is very constructive when well used and very destructive when used unconsciously or abusively.
For that reason you may understand that, when we combine spiritual power with sexual energy, we can cause miracles to occur and when used by the wrong person in the wrong way, the force can be devastating. This is the reason that on this page you will not find anything to learn as far as spiritual sexuality is concerned, for I will only teach these practices in a live situation, where I can see the energy of the people.
Spiritual Sexuality Seminars
So if you are interested please send me an email and I will let you know when and where there is a seminar on this theme taking place. Don’t forget to mention where you live, for doing a live seminar in the U.K. when you are actually living in the U.S.A. and the other way around, may be a bit of a hassle! Or book me if you happen to have a group of people who would really like to do this seminar. My email adress is sasenyin@hotmail.com
More heads that you may find helpful:
Building a Healthy Relationship
Relationship Advice for Men
Relationship Advice for Women
Relationship Test
Relationship Tips
Sexual Energy Advice
Other Heads in This Section:
Sexual Relationship Advice
Spiritual Sexuality
Tantric Sex Advice
Sexual energy advice is well represented in books, websites and magazines. Yet the way I am going to talk about sexual energy might be new to you.
Did you know that sexual energy is the energy that actually makes it possible for you to live in your body? Without sexual energy you would be dead, or in other words: very cold!
Sexual energy causes the warmth to flow through your system and for that reason you can move your body, your digestion takes place, your liver can function and you feel.
Advice to Help the Flow of Sexual Energy
My first advice to get your sexual energy flowing is a very simple one, yet very vital!!
Move your lower body: run, belly dance, make love, walk moving your hips exaggeratedly. All of this helps to loosen up the energy that is sitting between your coccyx and your pubic bone, which is the place where sexual energy is stored.
Now it’s important for you to know that I love sex! Why? So that you’ll understand that what I am going to say next is not because I want to turn you into some kind of puritan that finds sex a sin! So read this section to the end and don’t be put off by the first sentence.
Sexual energy diminishes, if it is just used for the sexual act. This means that your whole body, your whole energy system, will suffer from this. Yet if sexual energy is used while one is loving—I mean really loving someone—then the energy increases.
You may have heard that once we have passed our mid twenties our body starts to slowly die. This is because our inner fire, our sexual energy, is starting to burn lower. Just left to itself it will not stay high.
Now it is important to increase this energy to stay healthy. So you can imagine that a healthy relationship, in which two people are making love as a sexual act, increases the sexual energy of both partners. The consequence of this is that their overall health and all their bodily functions will be greatly enhanced. And also their mind will be able to think in a “warm” way, their acting will be more free flowing and spontaneous.
They will feel happy and after each session of lovemaking they will feel invigorated.
As a consequence of feeling happy the chemical processes that help us to function properly flow more freely, and we feel better. Feeling better inspires us to start moving; moving makes our sexual energy flow better and so we have created a very nice cycle for a self-maintaining healthy energy system.
Very Practical Advice For Healthy Sexual Energy
This advice is going to be very practical. To keep the fire of your sexual energy high, there is something else you need to realise: where there needs to be warmth in the body, keep the body warm.
As I have said, sexual energy is situated in your lower body, so it might be obvious to you that it is important to keep the lower body warm. Yet it seems to me that it is not so obvious to many. When I see people wearing these low cut jeans on the hips and t-shirts or tops that expose their lower back and belly to the cold, I suffer! In summer, when it is hot, this is great. But in winter, when the body struggles to stay warm anyway, keep your lower body warm well above the waist!
Why did I give the advice of keeping the body warm?
Many young people nowadays have problems with their sexual organs. And many young people have problems within sexual relationships. Some of these problems, and please don’t underestimate this, come from not dressing warm enough.
Some of these problems are continuous infections of the bladder, vaginitis, diminished libido, impotence, erectile dysfunction, dryness of the vagina, and many more.
In my website http://www.sasenyin.com/ you will see more of what I do, so that you will find you might want some help with your health, whether physical or otherwise.
Sexual Energy is Life Energy!
As I mentioned above sexual energy is really Life energy. This energy is what keeps us alive, and being alive means we are capable of evolving. It’s not only about making love but that is certainly included! How we make Love is very important as so we can increase our sexual energy, increase our Life Force. This is a whole subject in itself, which I will tackle so stay tuned…
In the meantime, here are some other Articles on this blog that you may find helpful:
Spiritual Sexuality
Tantric Sex Advice
Love Trust in Relationships
Building a Healthy Relationship
Sexual Relationship Advice
Spiritual Sexuality
Tantric Sex Advice
Sexual energy advice is well represented in books, websites and magazines. Yet the way I am going to talk about sexual energy might be new to you.
Did you know that sexual energy is the energy that actually makes it possible for you to live in your body? Without sexual energy you would be dead, or in other words: very cold!
Sexual energy causes the warmth to flow through your system and for that reason you can move your body, your digestion takes place, your liver can function and you feel.
Advice to Help the Flow of Sexual Energy
My first advice to get your sexual energy flowing is a very simple one, yet very vital!!
Move your lower body: run, belly dance, make love, walk moving your hips exaggeratedly. All of this helps to loosen up the energy that is sitting between your coccyx and your pubic bone, which is the place where sexual energy is stored.
Now it’s important for you to know that I love sex! Why? So that you’ll understand that what I am going to say next is not because I want to turn you into some kind of puritan that finds sex a sin! So read this section to the end and don’t be put off by the first sentence.
Sexual energy diminishes, if it is just used for the sexual act. This means that your whole body, your whole energy system, will suffer from this. Yet if sexual energy is used while one is loving—I mean really loving someone—then the energy increases.
You may have heard that once we have passed our mid twenties our body starts to slowly die. This is because our inner fire, our sexual energy, is starting to burn lower. Just left to itself it will not stay high.
Now it is important to increase this energy to stay healthy. So you can imagine that a healthy relationship, in which two people are making love as a sexual act, increases the sexual energy of both partners. The consequence of this is that their overall health and all their bodily functions will be greatly enhanced. And also their mind will be able to think in a “warm” way, their acting will be more free flowing and spontaneous.
They will feel happy and after each session of lovemaking they will feel invigorated.
As a consequence of feeling happy the chemical processes that help us to function properly flow more freely, and we feel better. Feeling better inspires us to start moving; moving makes our sexual energy flow better and so we have created a very nice cycle for a self-maintaining healthy energy system.
Very Practical Advice For Healthy Sexual Energy
This advice is going to be very practical. To keep the fire of your sexual energy high, there is something else you need to realise: where there needs to be warmth in the body, keep the body warm.
As I have said, sexual energy is situated in your lower body, so it might be obvious to you that it is important to keep the lower body warm. Yet it seems to me that it is not so obvious to many. When I see people wearing these low cut jeans on the hips and t-shirts or tops that expose their lower back and belly to the cold, I suffer! In summer, when it is hot, this is great. But in winter, when the body struggles to stay warm anyway, keep your lower body warm well above the waist!
Why did I give the advice of keeping the body warm?
Many young people nowadays have problems with their sexual organs. And many young people have problems within sexual relationships. Some of these problems, and please don’t underestimate this, come from not dressing warm enough.
Some of these problems are continuous infections of the bladder, vaginitis, diminished libido, impotence, erectile dysfunction, dryness of the vagina, and many more.
In my website http://www.sasenyin.com/ you will see more of what I do, so that you will find you might want some help with your health, whether physical or otherwise.
Sexual Energy is Life Energy!
As I mentioned above sexual energy is really Life energy. This energy is what keeps us alive, and being alive means we are capable of evolving. It’s not only about making love but that is certainly included! How we make Love is very important as so we can increase our sexual energy, increase our Life Force. This is a whole subject in itself, which I will tackle so stay tuned…
In the meantime, here are some other Articles on this blog that you may find helpful:
Spiritual Sexuality
Tantric Sex Advice
Love Trust in Relationships
Building a Healthy Relationship
Relationship Advice For Men
Other Posts in This Section:
Relationship Advice For Men
Sexual Relationship Advice
Sexual Energy
Tantric Advice
My relationship advice for men is, hopefully obviously, totally different from my relationship advice for women. The reason for this is very simple: men are totally different from women, so they tick totally differently from women. Men have a totally different way of thinking than women. For this reason they have also a very particular way of seeing a relationship and how they think it should function. Again this sounds obvious but so many times arguments between couples are because a man is seeing the situation from his view and it makes perfect sense to him and the woman is seeing from her view, which also makes perfect sense to her. There is a gap because each doesn’t understand why he/she doesn’t see the situation the same as the other. It can be fascinating to see this in practice and then instead of imposing ones view on to the other actually look to see the truth in the situation. This will probably take both of you working together!
Do you remember when you were a teenager, that you used the words “always” and “never” all the time? If you don’t, I am sure you must have heard other teenagers do this. Maybe it drives you crazy, especially when these teenagers are your own children. Now in what follows I hope that I don’t drive you crazy because I am going to use the words “always” and “never” many times!
My Primary Advice for a Man in a Relationship
ALWAYS tell her you love her! The first advice I would like to give any man in a relationship is to realise that she needs to know he loves her! Now you will say (being a man): “but she does!” But do you tell her? She needs to hear you say it!
For a woman communication is very important and she knows this. For a man communication is very important too, yet he often does not realise this.
A man needs his woman to tell him that she finds him great; that he has been lovely; that it was marvellous that he did the dishes tonight. Many men need constant acknowledgment and confirmation to make them feel secure. Women need the same from their partners.
Now this is the kind of communication I meant, when I said, that communication within a relationship is important for men too, yet they often don’t realise this.
So NEVER take it for granted that she knows that you love her: ALWAYS, day after day, tell her!
More Relationship Advice for Men
Were I to write this part the way some women feel, it would come out as a scream for help; for survival. Yet, I really want you to listen; not to scare you away. And this is what it is about: listening.
Most men really have a problem in listening. They are too occupied with what is in their minds as to take the effort to put their attention to what their partner wants to communicate. And so again, as you will find on other pages too, there is the problem of having a lack of communication.
Communication exists only when the two vital ingredients are active: the speaking and the listening. Without either of them there is no communication. The beauty of a relationship between a man and a woman is the opportunity to inquire into life together so a new view can emerge that is not just male or just female. This can only happen if both parties are interested in growing together, fully respecting each other by listening and communicating. If men start listening and speaking, women will respond by loving and supporting. Women need to be heard and respected, like men do themselves.
Communicating the Little Things Matter
NEVER take it for granted that she knows how much you appreciate the everyday things that she does. Let her know that you appreciate it that she irons your shirts, cooks your meals and tidies your laundry. Maybe she does know, but maybe she doesn’t; so do tell her: ALWAYS, ALWAYS and every single time again! A little appreciate can open doors that they may not have expected – in oneself and in ones relationships.
What is the Reason for this Advice to Men in a Relationship?
The reason I give men this advice is because often their relationship ends because she walks out of the door one day and he doesn’t know why. She has ended the relationship because he never told her that he loved her. He never expressed his commitment, his appreciation, his love so in the end she feels that she is taken for granted. This is the worst that can happen to a woman, to feel that she is not honoured or acknowledged. If woman feels it doesn’t matter whether she is called Jane, or mixer, or osterizer, as long as she functions like she does she will eventually leave or dull out and the relationship will be finished or exist in a very unhealthy state for both parties.
I cannot put enough emphasis on the fact that showing respect actively is the crux of having a healthy relationship. Respect must be expressed through communication. Silent respect is the beginning, yet it can also be the end. Just think of the words in the Bible (even if you think this is dumb) that in the beginning there was the word, then there was air, earth, water etc. So in the beginning you speak the words, and then you have a content wife, not before!!
More posts that may be of help:
Relationship Advice for Women
Sexual Relationship Advice
Sexual Energy
Tantric Advice
Relationship Tips
Relationship Advice For Men
Sexual Relationship Advice
Sexual Energy
Tantric Advice
My relationship advice for men is, hopefully obviously, totally different from my relationship advice for women. The reason for this is very simple: men are totally different from women, so they tick totally differently from women. Men have a totally different way of thinking than women. For this reason they have also a very particular way of seeing a relationship and how they think it should function. Again this sounds obvious but so many times arguments between couples are because a man is seeing the situation from his view and it makes perfect sense to him and the woman is seeing from her view, which also makes perfect sense to her. There is a gap because each doesn’t understand why he/she doesn’t see the situation the same as the other. It can be fascinating to see this in practice and then instead of imposing ones view on to the other actually look to see the truth in the situation. This will probably take both of you working together!
Do you remember when you were a teenager, that you used the words “always” and “never” all the time? If you don’t, I am sure you must have heard other teenagers do this. Maybe it drives you crazy, especially when these teenagers are your own children. Now in what follows I hope that I don’t drive you crazy because I am going to use the words “always” and “never” many times!
My Primary Advice for a Man in a Relationship
ALWAYS tell her you love her! The first advice I would like to give any man in a relationship is to realise that she needs to know he loves her! Now you will say (being a man): “but she does!” But do you tell her? She needs to hear you say it!
For a woman communication is very important and she knows this. For a man communication is very important too, yet he often does not realise this.
A man needs his woman to tell him that she finds him great; that he has been lovely; that it was marvellous that he did the dishes tonight. Many men need constant acknowledgment and confirmation to make them feel secure. Women need the same from their partners.
Now this is the kind of communication I meant, when I said, that communication within a relationship is important for men too, yet they often don’t realise this.
So NEVER take it for granted that she knows that you love her: ALWAYS, day after day, tell her!
More Relationship Advice for Men
Were I to write this part the way some women feel, it would come out as a scream for help; for survival. Yet, I really want you to listen; not to scare you away. And this is what it is about: listening.
Most men really have a problem in listening. They are too occupied with what is in their minds as to take the effort to put their attention to what their partner wants to communicate. And so again, as you will find on other pages too, there is the problem of having a lack of communication.
Communication exists only when the two vital ingredients are active: the speaking and the listening. Without either of them there is no communication. The beauty of a relationship between a man and a woman is the opportunity to inquire into life together so a new view can emerge that is not just male or just female. This can only happen if both parties are interested in growing together, fully respecting each other by listening and communicating. If men start listening and speaking, women will respond by loving and supporting. Women need to be heard and respected, like men do themselves.
Communicating the Little Things Matter
NEVER take it for granted that she knows how much you appreciate the everyday things that she does. Let her know that you appreciate it that she irons your shirts, cooks your meals and tidies your laundry. Maybe she does know, but maybe she doesn’t; so do tell her: ALWAYS, ALWAYS and every single time again! A little appreciate can open doors that they may not have expected – in oneself and in ones relationships.
What is the Reason for this Advice to Men in a Relationship?
The reason I give men this advice is because often their relationship ends because she walks out of the door one day and he doesn’t know why. She has ended the relationship because he never told her that he loved her. He never expressed his commitment, his appreciation, his love so in the end she feels that she is taken for granted. This is the worst that can happen to a woman, to feel that she is not honoured or acknowledged. If woman feels it doesn’t matter whether she is called Jane, or mixer, or osterizer, as long as she functions like she does she will eventually leave or dull out and the relationship will be finished or exist in a very unhealthy state for both parties.
I cannot put enough emphasis on the fact that showing respect actively is the crux of having a healthy relationship. Respect must be expressed through communication. Silent respect is the beginning, yet it can also be the end. Just think of the words in the Bible (even if you think this is dumb) that in the beginning there was the word, then there was air, earth, water etc. So in the beginning you speak the words, and then you have a content wife, not before!!
More posts that may be of help:
Relationship Advice for Women
Sexual Relationship Advice
Sexual Energy
Tantric Advice
Relationship Tips
Tantric Advice
Other Posts in This Section:
Sexual Relationship Advice
Spiritual Sexuality
Sexual Energy Advice
To give tantric advice one needs to be an expert in the matter of spiritual sexuality. Unfortunately there are many people in this field that take advantage of the fact that many couples and also singles are seeking advice in sexual matters and so they have made a nice profitable business of giving so-called “tantric advice’.
The whole practice of Tantra comes from an old culture. In the time this was taught human evolution was still far away from the expansive consciousness that has been achieved in our time. I am talking about many centuries past, during the Indian culture period. Since then human evolution has passed other culture periods and has changed very much. As a consequence the techniques that we must use nowadays should be according to our present state of evolvement. This is an important reason my advice concerning so-called tantric matters is going to be quite different from what you might have read before.
The History and Purpose of Tantric Practices
Maybe I should call this article instead of tantric advice anti-tantric-advice! Why? Because as I have already told you, tantric practises come from a time when we were very different. Humans were not as developed as they are now; especially not as individuals.
Humans were still under the leadership of an initiate (a person sought out by the Gods, the higher powers, to fulfil spiritual and political leadership), even if they were not aware of this. This initiate would set the “rules” for how to live, and the sexual life, which was dedicated to the Gods, was part of this ‘tantric’ way. It was hardly possible for an individual to energise his or her own body. At that time they were not capable of developing their sexual energy as individuals. Also they knew nothing of the roles of man and woman in lovemaking and the evolutionary potential of a sexual relationship. You may wonder how this can be true. It’s very simple: they hadn’t evolved to the stage where they had a role as a ‘couple’ yet. They only had a role as being part of a group. The tantric practises were given to the people by initiates to make sure that both partners would feel satisfied. Advice was given on how to use and exercise the different postures so that couples would develop their sexual energy and stay very healthy. This way they would bring forth very healthy children and the evolution of mankind was assured.
Practicing Tantra in our Time
The practice of tantra in our time is not very wise. The reasons vary and I will try to explain. First of all, we are at a different stage of evolution; a stage in which each individual must take responsibility for his or her own development. This means that if we want to evolve we must not hang on to “our” group, and act according to this group’s dictates. We must step forward as individuals and break out of what is commonly known as the ‘status quo’.
We must not make our cultivation of sexual energy dependent on a group or even a partner. So sex is not the way to enlightenment, as many modern proponents of Tantra claim, yet is an essential part of our life that must be consciously embraced to become a whole human being. We must learn how to increase it ourselves, but not in a material, physical way.
The times that we are living in are times in which we must find the spirit in matter through matter. Matter stands here also for the physical body. This does not mean we must hang on to matter.
How to Increase Sexual Energy if not the Tantric Way!
So to actually increase sexual energy, we must be still, and not do all kinds of gymnastics (with the body). We must develop a spiritual sexuality within ourselves that we can put into practice while making love with our partner. We must be very private and practise the augmenting of the sexual energy force within ourselves as part of our incarnated being, not as a means by itself or to just have pleasure. Realise that sex must be pleasurable, but not technical. And certainly not a kind of technically learned pleasure.
In my seminars on sexual energy I teach how to increase and develop sexual energy, and in loving relationships we work on how we can use this energy together with our partner, to create a better world for all.
Other Articles That May be Helpful:
Sexual Energy
Spiritual Sexuality
Words from Ria
Building a Healthy Relationship
Sexual Relationship Advice
Spiritual Sexuality
Sexual Energy Advice
To give tantric advice one needs to be an expert in the matter of spiritual sexuality. Unfortunately there are many people in this field that take advantage of the fact that many couples and also singles are seeking advice in sexual matters and so they have made a nice profitable business of giving so-called “tantric advice’.
The whole practice of Tantra comes from an old culture. In the time this was taught human evolution was still far away from the expansive consciousness that has been achieved in our time. I am talking about many centuries past, during the Indian culture period. Since then human evolution has passed other culture periods and has changed very much. As a consequence the techniques that we must use nowadays should be according to our present state of evolvement. This is an important reason my advice concerning so-called tantric matters is going to be quite different from what you might have read before.
The History and Purpose of Tantric Practices
Maybe I should call this article instead of tantric advice anti-tantric-advice! Why? Because as I have already told you, tantric practises come from a time when we were very different. Humans were not as developed as they are now; especially not as individuals.
Humans were still under the leadership of an initiate (a person sought out by the Gods, the higher powers, to fulfil spiritual and political leadership), even if they were not aware of this. This initiate would set the “rules” for how to live, and the sexual life, which was dedicated to the Gods, was part of this ‘tantric’ way. It was hardly possible for an individual to energise his or her own body. At that time they were not capable of developing their sexual energy as individuals. Also they knew nothing of the roles of man and woman in lovemaking and the evolutionary potential of a sexual relationship. You may wonder how this can be true. It’s very simple: they hadn’t evolved to the stage where they had a role as a ‘couple’ yet. They only had a role as being part of a group. The tantric practises were given to the people by initiates to make sure that both partners would feel satisfied. Advice was given on how to use and exercise the different postures so that couples would develop their sexual energy and stay very healthy. This way they would bring forth very healthy children and the evolution of mankind was assured.
Practicing Tantra in our Time
The practice of tantra in our time is not very wise. The reasons vary and I will try to explain. First of all, we are at a different stage of evolution; a stage in which each individual must take responsibility for his or her own development. This means that if we want to evolve we must not hang on to “our” group, and act according to this group’s dictates. We must step forward as individuals and break out of what is commonly known as the ‘status quo’.
We must not make our cultivation of sexual energy dependent on a group or even a partner. So sex is not the way to enlightenment, as many modern proponents of Tantra claim, yet is an essential part of our life that must be consciously embraced to become a whole human being. We must learn how to increase it ourselves, but not in a material, physical way.
The times that we are living in are times in which we must find the spirit in matter through matter. Matter stands here also for the physical body. This does not mean we must hang on to matter.
How to Increase Sexual Energy if not the Tantric Way!
So to actually increase sexual energy, we must be still, and not do all kinds of gymnastics (with the body). We must develop a spiritual sexuality within ourselves that we can put into practice while making love with our partner. We must be very private and practise the augmenting of the sexual energy force within ourselves as part of our incarnated being, not as a means by itself or to just have pleasure. Realise that sex must be pleasurable, but not technical. And certainly not a kind of technically learned pleasure.
In my seminars on sexual energy I teach how to increase and develop sexual energy, and in loving relationships we work on how we can use this energy together with our partner, to create a better world for all.
Other Articles That May be Helpful:
Sexual Energy
Spiritual Sexuality
Words from Ria
Building a Healthy Relationship
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