Relationship Advice for Women
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The advice I would give to women in a relationship is quite different from what I would give to men, because their way of being is totally different.
Women are the receiving part of a healthy relationship, men the giving part. Now this does not mean that the woman sits and waits to be waited on. But I suppose that was clear to you without me saying so!
What is very important for a woman nowadays is to realise that being a woman does not mean being in competition with men. It is not evolutionary for a woman, whether in a relationship or not, to strive to become like a man.
A woman is not a hunter, a man is. She is not an unemotional thinker, yet a man is. I could give more fundamental differences, but I feel that you can probably come up with others yourself.
So the primary advice I must give every woman is: keep your own identity as a woman ALWAYS! NEVER give up your identity as a female human being!
Specific Advice for a Woman in the Beginning of a Relationship
A typical mistake most women make in the beginning of a relationship is that they will do anything they can to please the man of their choice.
They will try to read every wish coming from his lips or from his eyes. They will, as soon as their man expresses anything that appears disapproving, think they have done something wrong and ask what it is. In this way they diminish their own self-worth as well as irritating their partner who will feel she is trying to make him say things he does not want to.
For example: You’ve made a beautiful dinner. Your partner comes home, sits down to eat and doesn’t ‘gush’ about how great the dinner is. You immediately think he doesn’t like it when in actuality he has just had a difficult phone call and is preoccupied (and uncommunicative). By needing his appreciation you might make things worse for him.
And for you too, if you ask questions like – Is the meat not cooked to your liking? Do you not like the dinner? – You are assuming something he has never said. Just ask with self-esteem: “ If something is wrong, please tell me.” Without assuming you are the one that/who is wrong.
Another very typical mistake that most women make with their men is that if the man is not as perfect as they would like him to be, they think they can make him change.
This is a misconception! Don’t even want to make him change!
You either want to be with him the way he is, or you don’t. And if you do, you must accept him. This does not mean you cannot talk about things you don’t approve of. But it means that when you do so you give him the space to find out for himself that HE may want to change that particular part in himself because HE also feels that way.
If there is a mutual commitment to personal growth and to building a loving relationship and you give him a chance to do this his own way, you may succeed in achieving the healthy, loving relationship you desire.
If you are not capable of accepting your man the way he is, you will never be able to have a healthy relationship.
Building a Healthy Relationship Means Growing Up
Many women bring a wounded child with them when they start a relationship. This is not a problem when the woman is aware that this is the case.
She must be willing to face this lonely or maybe abused child and comfort it in her own self, and then have it grow up. In other words, she must integrate the part of her that is still a child into her adult self.
And this brings me to the next piece of important advice I must give you: don’t expect your man to help you with this.
Endeavour to become whole in yourself, so that you don’t create a dependency. Because if you do you will become addicted to the victim role and this may cost you not just your relationship, but also your health.
‘Growing up’ into being the adult woman that you are will give you a new perspective and freedom in all aspects of your life.
This will not happen overnight but understanding this in oneself is the first step. Your relationship is only a part of you; strengthening yourself, strengthens the relationship – that is the only way!
The Most Important Piece of Advice You Might Have Ever Heard
Now you may feel I’m conceited when I say I am going to give you some tremendously important advice that you have probably never heard, but give me the benefit of the doubt! OK ready? Here it is:
DON’T HOLD BACK!!!!
Most women do hold back because they are afraid that their strength is unwanted, also by men and sometimes this may be true.
So first a woman must decide that she wants to be herself, FULLY herself.
Then she must ask, do I have a man that wants me to be fully myself? If the answer to this question is yes and you continue to hold back you must realize that holding back will eventually kill your relationship.
Why? Because at some point you will explode with frustration, despair, resentment. You might blame your partner and he probably won’t know what you’re talking about. For many women it’s not easy to step forward and fully be oneself but if a woman wants to have a healthy relationship with her man this is essential!!
So I encourage you to chew on this advice, and see how far you get in putting all of this into practice, because the proof is in the action not in the reading!
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