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Ending a relationship is one of the things in life one would rather avoid. Ending a relationship is a very delicate matter. I hope that you agree with these two statements, for it is from this understanding that I will continue.
The Proper Attitude in Ending a Relationship
The most important thing is to be firm about where one stands, be clear about the reason(s) why, and be compassionate with the partner. If the relationship ends with dignity and honesty both parties can move forward. Finding the strength to do this will be a good way to honour your partner and the relationship you have had together.
The Position of Each Partner When Ending a Relationship
When we talk about ending a relationship, it means we have found out that the relationship cannot go on from OUR point of view. That is why we will have to think about ending it.
This obviously means that there has been some incident or interaction with our partner that has been so painful to us, or maybe it is even our partner her or himself that is the reason we want to finish the relationship. This makes it clear what a delicate matter it is. We will somehow have to make it clear to our partner we don’t want to go on. That for us the relationship has reached its end.
This is going to be hard on our partner, we know this; we are aware of this. That is why we would like to avoid it, run away from it.
Taking Responsibility for the Relationship and Its Consequences
Some people actually don’t do this. They are not up to the consequences of their decision as far as their going-to-be-ex-partner is concerned and they run away. This is an act of cowardice. One has been together with this person for a long time, shared so much and been through so much, and now we would just turn our back on them and go? No, this is something we cannot do.
We must take responsibility.
We will have to tell our partner that we feel that we cannot be in this relationship any longer, that we know this will be hurtful for her/him, yet this is the decision that we have come to. If the partner wants to hear, we will be willing to explain how and why we have come to this decision.
If we see that our partner freaks out, bursts into tears, gets hysterical or very emotional, we will try to comfort her/him, and will not go on with our own story.
Ending a Relationship is Important: One Has to Do it Right!!
Ending a relationship is as important as having one, so one has to do it right. When we see that our partner is calm and would like us to explain, we delicately, very aware of not wanting to hurt, acquaint her/him with the reason(s) why we no longer want to be in this relationship.
We will not accuse for we accepted the partner to be who and how she/he is/was. We will stay very businesslike and unemotional, yet very compassionate. When the partner says they do not understand, we will elucidate whatever we can.
However, it may be the case that no matter how compassionate we are the partner may experience this ending as an unbearable catastrophe, and then she/he will shut down. If this is the case we compassionately tell them that we can understand that it is really tough, but we still will be moving on.
In the end all one can do is to be honest, compassionate and clear. One cannot control the response of the other, one can only treat them with respect and love, after that it’s up to them how them choose to respond.
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